Here I am at grasping at the last fine filaments of Fall Break—as my students said “it’s just a day…” but to me, it was a huge lush three days of break.
And boy howdy (I’m teaching The Outsiders right now, and it shows), did I need it.
Teaching this year has been (to reference F.Scott Fitzgerald’s comment on good writing) swimming underwater and holding my breath. I am more aware of my students, more aware of my methods of teaching, more aware of how darn difficult it is this year.
Partly, because my days are filled with middle schoolers. So there’s a lot more “classroom management,” which is fine—but means that there are kids that freaking HATE me, and means that there is not a single day that I do not have to discipline a student.
For anyone else, this may be easy peasy. But for sensitive old me, it’s so difficult. It’s not that I want or expect all of my students to love me, but I do want to make them excited about learning, and at least succeed. And at least with older students, there is a deeper connection created, more freedom to discuss and be open…
But I think that God’s placed me in this year of teaching as sort of a refining process—to figure out what kind of teacher I am…to build up my gifts and to burn away my faults. I am His to use, and try to pray for His help every morning. I just wish there was away past a lot of what I am struggling with—other that straight through until May.
Now, I don’t want to quit or anything. After my first day in the classroom three years ago, I sharply felt God’s radiant pleasure. But I don’t think that teaching middle school is my place, so there are changes to be made.
Whether they are outward or inward remains to be seen.